en-us Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:23:28 -0500 ATM@msgroup.org 60 *All Things Motorcycle* - Humor ... the lighter side http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/ *All Things Motorcycle* for Guest http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/ http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/rss_32.png *All Things Motorcycle* RSS Feed 144 47 Humor ... the lighter side - Crashproof Motorcyclegymnasthttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12237&REPLY_ID=117173Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 01 Sep 2010 16:41:31 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12237 Check out the safety features on the 2011 Mercedes Benz models. http://www.mbusa.com/mercedes/index...des-7760552&
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Manliest BikeScamperhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12235&REPLY_ID=117146Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 01 Sep 2010 08:29:00 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12235 I think the bike is still up for sale. If I had any interest in an 1100 and I had the means to get to Utah, I'd buy it just to be funny![88]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - A Real Estate Attorney we could all loveNight Trainhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12231&REPLY_ID=117089Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 31 Aug 2010 06:37:29 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12231 Whether true or not, it is indeed priceless![88]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Woman Motorcyclist & Heart Attack!Indiana Randyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12183Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 20 Aug 2010 09:59:44 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12183
While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live and ride your motorcycle."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"


(You'll love this)



God replied: "I didn't recognize you."]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Saving faceCash Anthonyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12160Humor ... the lighter side Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:08:29 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12160
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes," says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that five iron?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and covers her face with her hands.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times... Just put me down for five."

]]>Humor ... the lighter side - You ride *that*?Cash Anthonyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12156Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 14 Aug 2010 16:06:18 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12156
The response he got? "It's not the heap, it's the humility."]]>Humor ... the lighter side - The Frugal WifeSuperRookiehttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12090&REPLY_ID=116324Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 10 Aug 2010 16:25:10 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12090 LMAO [88] That's a good one]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Bee Stings Womangreywolfhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12057&REPLY_ID=115699Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 22 Jul 2010 08:38:42 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12057 There was also an 80 year old man who was stung in a very private place as he was relieving himself in the woods. He asked the doctor, "Can you kill the pain but leave the swelling?"]]>Humor ... the lighter side - A Moment of Silenceaidanspahttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12056Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 21 Jul 2010 09:14:53 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12056
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."]]>Humor ... the lighter side - A Bad RoundCash Anthonyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12055Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 20 Jul 2010 16:37:06 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12055
His wife asked him how his day had gone.

He answered, "On the front nine, I birdied three holes and put our team in a good position for the weekend."

"That sounds pretty good," she said.

"Then we teed off at the tenth, and Bob shot a hole in one."

She looked puzzled. "But that sounds wonderful!"

"Oh, sure. By then we were all having the best round of our lives...until we got to the 12th."

"What happened then?" she asked.

"Ol' Harry suddenly clutches his arm, his face turns red, and he falls over dead of a heart attack."

"Oh, that must have been terrible!" she said.

"It sure was. From there to the clubhouse, in the heat of the day, it was 'hit the ball and drag Harry, hit the ball and drag Harry.' Talk about killing a buzz..."


]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Psychic Shockbachman1961http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12037&REPLY_ID=115671Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:57:05 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12037
Golf related-

A man got home from work much later than normal. His wife was furious and wanted to know what held him up since she had dinner ready and had to clear the table and put everything away. He felt bad and decided to fess up.

"On the way home from the office, I stopped to help a stranded motorist with a flat tire. I got quite filthy and she invited me to clean up at her nearby apartment. After washing up, one thing lead to another and, well... I had a weak moment...."

Wife; " You lying, selfish son-of-a*#%@ !! You went golfing with your buddies didn't you ? "

~brian]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Hunting at HomeIndiana Randyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=12006&REPLY_ID=115241Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 08 Jul 2010 11:28:38 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12006 That's funny.... And a kid-friendly joke. I'll be the old fart telling this one for a few weeks. Thanks Cash!]]>Humor ... the lighter side - A New Motorcycle Roadaidanspahttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11993&REPLY_ID=115240Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 08 Jul 2010 10:58:58 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11993 My instinct is that a road with the inverse characteristics as the Tail of the Dragon exists only in a writer's imagination, but there is a stretch of road said to be the straightest in America. North Dakota Hwy 46 is 123 miles of boredom with only an occasional bend to break the monotony.
quote:
...its longest straight-as-an-arrow, lock your steering wheel and take a nap stretch -- extends nearly 31 miles, from Gackle to Beaver Creek.
And I thought driving across KS is boring [:D].

]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Aussie Truck CommercialJsinhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11950&REPLY_ID=114796Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 25 Jun 2010 07:12:17 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11950 Very Amusing, thanks for sharing [8D]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Synthetic Oil BewareBlueridgerunnerhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11856Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:23:57 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11856 Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to you and your beloved motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action.
Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all...
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window and your timing window with a whitish
pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die.
Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate your timing belts causing them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots right before you walk across your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It
also dries out your wetclutch and wets your dryclutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good measure.
Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom!]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Another Rare Viewaidanspahttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11825Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 27 May 2010 12:36:21 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11825

Who knew?]]>Humor ... the lighter side - A Rare Viewgymnasthttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11796Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 18 May 2010 21:03:02 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11796
http://www.bloodydecks.com/forums/a...whoopass.jpg]]>Humor ... the lighter side - People who could use ATGATTgreywolfhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11766Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 10 May 2010 15:24:05 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11766
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/hugo.htm]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Doing the mathRedbeardhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11755Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 07 May 2010 14:26:58 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11755
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has P.M.S. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that Every Single Day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has P.M.S., and is armed.

Flip one off?

I think not]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Parachute JumpNight Trainhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11705&REPLY_ID=112809Humor ... the lighter side Sun, 25 Apr 2010 09:29:53 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11705 That was a hoot. You could see how anxious the students were to get aboard the plane. [:)] Might be an instructional strategy for the MSF Imagine the reaction students would have to that type of instruction.]]>Humor ... the lighter side - New BMW CommercialWSMedershttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11689&REPLY_ID=112691Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 22 Apr 2010 09:52:13 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11689 The only problem/correction, is that with the more slack in the rope, the faster the bike is traveling before it yanks the tablecloth from under the wares.
This isn't to say that it wasn't a feat, or that it could do it with the rope taut, but the real test would be just that: have the rope taut between the bike and the table, THEN take off.
(really, I'm just jealous... when I tried this with my FZR, my mom lost a set of good china. ;o)]]>Humor ... the lighter side - The OstrichCash Anthonyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11670Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 16 Apr 2010 14:36:43 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11670 A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a Coke." He turns to the ostrich and asks, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40, please."

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a daily routine. Finally, one day the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something like that, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

Then the waitress asks, "So what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs. He answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say..."
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Dad, come see the kittens!alblancherhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11657&REPLY_ID=112519Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 14 Apr 2010 08:33:54 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11657 Better move the kids,

Never seen a skunk that an eighteen wheeler didn't have an encounter with.

]]>Humor ... the lighter side - The Motorcycle Wave - The solutionbrooks10http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11658&REPLY_ID=112504Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 13 Apr 2010 17:50:46 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11658 I'm going out to the garage to build one. I hope Frank doesn't have a team of patent attorneys. Great post!

Steve
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Chinese Cadillac Commercialbrooks10http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11648Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 10 Apr 2010 19:27:00 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11648 http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=SbuDRA4zNbw]]>Humor ... the lighter side - There, I fixed it.Daddiohttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11627&REPLY_ID=112292Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 05 Apr 2010 07:21:02 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11627 [88][88][88]
The manual wipers thing. I DID THAT! I was also much more willing to pick up hitch hikers back then.]]>Humor ... the lighter side - It was a horsepower requirementDaddiohttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11623&REPLY_ID=112268Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 03 Apr 2010 06:29:06 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11623 Must be a Texas thang. Look at the "hood" er fork ornament. They after all say everything is bigger in Texas[}:)]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - When I Grow UpIndiana Randyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11541&REPLY_ID=112251Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 02 Apr 2010 12:43:18 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11541 That's Hilarious!

]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Military wisdomDeseret Riderhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11469Humor ... the lighter side Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:09:34 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11469
U.S. Air Force Manual

---------------------------------------------

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword
obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

- General MacArthur

---------------------------------------------

"You, you, and you...Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.

---------------------------------------------

"Tracers work both ways."

- U.S. Army Ordnance

---------------------------------------------

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

- Infantry Journal

---------------------------------------------

"Any ship can be a minesweeper...once."

---------------------------------------------

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

- Unknown Marine Recruit

---------------------------------------------

Clean it if it's Dirty.

Oil it if it Squeaks.

But don't Screw with it if it Works!

USAF Electronic Technician

----------------------------------------------------------------

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."

USAF - Ammo Troop

---------------------------------------------

"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death,

I Shall Fear No Evil,

For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

---------------------------------------------

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )

---------------------------------------------

A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:

Latitude is Where We are Lost,

&

Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!

USAF Navi-guesser

---------------------------------------------

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

---------------------------------------------

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --

however, it's probably unsafe in any case."

---------------------------------------------

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

---------------------------------------------

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;

If ATC screws up...the pilot dies."

---------------------------------------------

The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?"

"Where are we?"

and

"Oh s**t!"

---------------------------------------------

" Airspeed, altitude, and brains.

Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."

---------------------------------------------

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation.

We've never left anyone up there!"

---------------------------------------------

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

---------------------------------------------

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."

- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

---------------------------------------------

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."

- Sign over Squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

---------------------------------------------

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

---------------------------------------------

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked

when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

---------------------------------------------

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off
the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives;
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"
The pilot replies: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Why women shouldn't take men shoppingNight Trainhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11460&REPLY_ID=111060Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 16 Feb 2010 13:49:16 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11460 Worst of the matter is, I've done a couple of those things on the list but I'm not confessing as to which ones. [8D][8D]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - This is very coolCash Anthonyhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11457&REPLY_ID=111022Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 15 Feb 2010 09:47:13 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11457 Another one of those "how do they DO that?" clips!

Fun.


Cash]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Why guys dont want to be friends with a girl who breaks up with thembachman1961http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11448&REPLY_ID=110964Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 13 Feb 2010 01:30:45 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11448
The simple answer is;

" pardon me Miss, would you offer french fries with that meal if the President of the United States were the one here ordering in place of me?
Well, you know, he's snowed in somewhere by the money printing factories so there is no way he'll be here today, I'll just take his ... [:D]

In a pinch, I can usually find some underneath my car seats.

~brian]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Diary of a snow shovelerDeseret Riderhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11436Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 06 Feb 2010 23:49:02 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11436
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I dislike it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Doggone snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the idiot is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What?...is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his nose. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that goldarn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I dislike the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE WIFE is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
~Author Unknown]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Dilbert Quotesrayg50http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11419&REPLY_ID=110682Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:19:51 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11419
quote:
Originally posted by Axiom2000


A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top quotes in corporate America :



I'll throw one in although it is too late for the voting.

About 30 years ago I was asked to design a system to report any mail that had not been received. Jokingly I said "So if my mom decides to send you a birthday card today and you don't receive it tomorrow you want it on the report". The answer was "EXACTLY!!!!" with a happy look on his face that said - finally someone that gets it. [:u]

]]>Humor ... the lighter side - "The Philosophy of Ambiguity"gymnasthttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11423Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:45:11 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11423 http://www.philosophyblog.com/2006/...biguity.html]]>Humor ... the lighter side - New Element FoundNightwatchmanhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11414&REPLY_ID=110668Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:09:23 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11414 I actually spit out my drink laughing at this...

Well played [88]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Hitler reacts to the I-PadStevebr242http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11400&REPLY_ID=110491Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:04:09 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11400 Funny. I like this motorcycle one better though. Even though they are a bit rough on BMWs. That is a great clip to re-caption. So many possibilities.

What would Hitler Ride?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9nrANs5Tr4]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Dinner Plansalblancherhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11396&REPLY_ID=110463Humor ... the lighter side Fri, 29 Jan 2010 06:05:19 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11396 [:)]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Hundreds protest climate changeDaddiohttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11375&REPLY_ID=110391Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:04:43 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11375 There you go gymnast. You have shown that polar bears are really quite smart. They have left their melting bergs and migrated to where the ice is on solid land. Apparently there is plenty of food. They master fire. Life is good for these bears.[8D]

As for the hundreds. I believe. See you next year![:D]

Edit in italics]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Drivingrayg50http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11383Humor ... the lighter side Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:48:32 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11383 could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,
but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went Through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The
woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman
and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Things are not this bad yet.Deseret Riderhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11373&REPLY_ID=110260Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:27:47 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11373 "Can you drive a truck"? Funny [:D]]]>Humor ... the lighter side - There are some of us old enoughAxiom2000http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11374Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:05:19 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11374



>
> Comments made in the year 1955!
> That's only 53 years ago!
>
>
>
> 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the
> way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a
> week's groceries for $20.00.
>
>
> 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It
> won't be long before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used
> one.
>
>
> 'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to
> quit. 25 cents a pack is ridiculous.
>
>
> 'Did you hear the post office is thinking about
> charging 10 cents just to mail a letter
>
>
> 'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00/HR, nobody
> will be able to hire outside help at the store.
>
>
> 'When I first started driving, who would have thought
> gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be
> better off leaving the car in the
> garage.
>
>
> 'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.
> Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in
> GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL
> or DAMN in it.
>
>
> 'I read the other day where some scientist thinks
> it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the
> century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts
> preparing for it down in Texas .
>
>
> 'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a
> contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It
> wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making
> more than the President.
>
>
> 'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen
> appliances would be electric. They are even making electric
> typewriters now.
>
>
> 'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see
> where a few married women are having to work to make ends
> meet.
>
>
> 'It won't be long before young couples are going to
> have to hire someone to
> watch their kids so they can both work.
>
>
> 'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the
> door to a whole lot of foreign business.
>
>
> 'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when
> the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes
> wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
>
>
> 'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather,
> but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
>
>
> 'There is no sense going on short
> trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a
> night to stay in a hotel.
>
>
> 'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day
> in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'
>
>
> 'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,
> forget it.'
>
]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Transport Canada.gymnasthttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11365Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 23 Jan 2010 13:28:07 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11365 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZfbTlYpKYo]]>Humor ... the lighter side - The Cajun and the LawyerDeseret Riderhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11356Humor ... the lighter side Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:22:51 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11356

A lawyer and a Cajun are sitting next to
Each other on a long flight. The
Lawyer is thinking that Louisiana Cajuns are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy...so the lawyer asks if the Cajun would like to play a fun game. The Cajun is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer,
I will pay you $500. This catches
The Cajun's attention and to keep the lawyer
Quiet, agrees to play the game. The lawyer
Asks the first question. "What's the
Distance from the Earth to the moon?"
The Cajun doesn't say a word, reaches in
His pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
>
> Now, it's the Cajun's turn. He asks the
> lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three
> legs, and comes down with four?"
>
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone; he searches the Net and even the
Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Cajun and hands him $500.

The Cajun pockets the $500 goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the
Answer. He wakes the Cajun Up and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
>
>
>
> or you ready for this????
>
>
>
>
> The Cajun reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and
> goes back to sleep.
>
> Don't mess with us Louisiana Cajuns....
>
> We only talk dumb.]]>Humor ... the lighter side - "Worlds Luckyist Man"gymnasthttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11351Humor ... the lighter side Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:11:15 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11351 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rapvHU3aoCw]]>Humor ... the lighter side - Oh no! Not another "Blond" story!Deseret Riderhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11339Humor ... the lighter side Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:34:44 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11339 > >> Emergency Room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
> >> 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her..
> >>
> >>
> >> 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
> >>
> >>
> >> 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
> >> off your finger?'
> >>
> >>
> >> 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then
> >> I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting
> >> myself in the chest.'
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> 'So then?' asked the doctor.
> >>
> >>
> >> 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to
> >> get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth'
> >>
> >>
> >> 'So then?'
> >>
> >> 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
> >> loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
> >> trigger.']]>Humor ... the lighter side - Mr. and Mrs. Prairiealblancherhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11325&REPLY_ID=109864Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 16 Jan 2010 11:38:23 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11325 You got to be a couple of dummies to sit in a covered wagon indoors.]]>Humor ... the lighter side - The Chicken and the HorseCorbinDhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=10309&REPLY_ID=109860Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 16 Jan 2010 11:15:36 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=10309 rofl]]>Humor ... the lighter side - I love this oneCorbinDhttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11123&REPLY_ID=109857Humor ... the lighter side Sat, 16 Jan 2010 10:52:42 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11123 Perfect, I love it :)]]>Humor ... the lighter side - 2010 Hooters Calendergalileohttp://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?whichpage=-1&TOPIC_ID=11300&REPLY_ID=109681Humor ... the lighter side Sun, 10 Jan 2010 03:41:05 -0500http://www.msgroup.org/forums/mtt/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11300 Whooo made the calendar?

It looks like they are all ladies of the night.]]>